The Weight of Imposter Syndrome: A Reflective Story

Despite passing her viva and receiving her doctorate, Ellie couldn't shake off the feeling that she didn't belong. She felt like she had somehow tricked her way into academia, and that anyone who looked closely would discover her inadequacies. This feeling had been with her since the beginning of her PhD journey, but she had hoped that achieving her doctorate would make it disappear. Was that the case?

Ellie's life was a complex web of relationships, habits, and decisions. Despite her struggles with Imposter Syndrome, she had found comfort in the companionship of a dog named Max. However, Max's affection was conditional at best, and Ellie often found herself wondering if the dog truly loved her.

Ellie spent hours each day with Max, taking him on long walks, playing with him, and caring for his every need. Despite her best efforts, Max remained aloof, often ignoring her or responding half-heartedly to her affections. Ellie couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness whenever Max rejected her advances, but she continued to shower him with attention and love.

As she reflected on her relationship with Max, Ellie realized that it mirrored her own self-doubt and insecurity. She wondered if she was worthy of love and affection, just as Max's behaviour made her question her own lovability. This dynamic was a stark contrast to her professional life, where she was confident and capable.

Ellie's decision-making skills were questionable, to say the least. She often found herself drawn to people and situations that were detrimental to her well-being. She would invest time and energy in relationships that were toxic or unfulfilling, only to realize later that she had been blind to the warning signs.

In her personal life, Ellie's poor decision-making skills were evident in her choice of partners. She seemed to attract people who were emotionally unavailable or manipulative, leaving her feeling drained and unhappy. Despite her best intentions, Ellie struggled to recognize the red flags, and she often found herself stuck in patterns of behaviour that were detrimental to her mental health.

Ellie's relationships with women were particularly complicated. She had a hard time forming and maintaining meaningful connections with female friends, often feeling like she didn't quite fit in or that others were judging her. She would become overly attached or critical, causing her friends to distance themselves or end the friendship altogether.

As a result, Ellie felt isolated and alone, struggling to find a supportive community of women who understood her experiences and challenges. She longed for deep, meaningful connections, but her own insecurities and fears seemed to get in the way.

Ellie's life was marked by a pattern of self-sabotage. She would set goals and make plans, only to undermine her own efforts through self-doubt and fear. She would procrastinate, overthink, or become distracted, causing her to miss opportunities or fall short of her potential.

This pattern was evident in her relationships, her career, and even her relationship with Max. Ellie seemed to be stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, and she didn't know how to break free.

As Ellie reflected on her life, while we talked, she began to see the patterns and habits that were holding her back. She realized that she had the power to change, to break free from the cycle of self-doubt and make better decisions. It wouldn't be easy, but Ellie was determined to take control of her life and create a more fulfilling future.

With a newfound sense of determination, Ellie started to make small changes. She began to prioritize her own needs, setting boundaries with others and taking time for self-care. She started to re-evaluate her relationships, seeking out people who supported and uplifted her. And she began to work on building her confidence, focusing on her strengths and accomplishments.

As Ellie looked to the future, she knew that she still had a long way to go. But she was hopeful, knowing that she had the power to create positive change in her life. With patience, self-compassion, and determination, Ellie was ready to face her challenges head-on and build a brighter future for herself.

As she reflected on her experiences, Ellie realized that she had not worked hard enough to overcome Imposter Syndrome. She had let it hold her back, making her doubt her abilities and second-guess herself at every turn. At that point, I introduced her to Gibb’s Reflection Cycle, which we had just studied at our PG CAP programme at the University of Wolverhampton, in June 2025. Gibbs' Reflective Cycle provided a framework for Ellie to explore her thoughts and feelings, using the sub-headings below:

Description: Ellie's feelings of inadequacy had become a constant companion. She felt like she was pretending to be someone she wasn't, and that her research was somehow inferior to that of her peers. She began to wonder if she was truly cut out for academia.

Feelings:  Ellie felt anxious, self-doubting, and frustrated. She was tired of feeling like an imposter, and she knew that it was affecting her performance as an early career researcher. She felt like she was stuck in a cycle of negativity, and she didn't know how to break free.

Evaluation: As Ellie evaluated her experiences, she realized that Imposter Syndrome was not just a personal issue, but also a systemic one. She had faced numerous challenges as a BAME student, from microaggressions to lack of representation. She began to see that her feelings of inadequacy were not just about her own abilities, but also about the biases and barriers that existed in academia.

Analysis: Ellie began to analyse her experiences and realized that she had been given opportunities that others had not. She had received funding to pursue her PhD, and she had been supported by a wonderful supervisory team. She began to see that she had strengths and abilities that she had not been acknowledging. 

Conclusion: Ellie concluded that she needed to take practical steps to overcome Imposter Syndrome. She couldn't let it hold her back any longer. She began to research strategies and techniques that would help her build confidence and self-efficacy.

Action Plan

Ellie developed an action plan to overcome Imposter Syndrome. She said she would:

1. Seek mentorship: Find a mentor who could provide guidance and support.

2. Build a community: Connect with other researchers who shared similar experiences.

3. Practice self-care: Take care of her physical and mental health.

4. Reframe negative thoughts: Challenge negative self-talk and focus on strengths.

5. Celebrate achievements: Acknowledge and celebrate her accomplishments.

So, the last time I visited Ellie, she proposed that we take a walk without her dog, Max. That was a first! We had a concentrated, deep, heartfelt conversation, as we walked to the West Park in Wolverhampton. We sat there for a while, observing the beautiful sceneries of ducks and squirrels and lovely flowers. Then we talked again for almost another hour. She said it was healing! That was really really good to hear. As Ellie looked to the future, she knew that overcoming Imposter Syndrome would not be easy. She would face challenges, such as:

     - Self-doubt: The fear of being discovered as an imposter would still linger.

     - Biases and Barriers: Systemic issues would still exist, and Ellie would need to navigate them.

     - Pressure to Perform: The pressure to publish, secure funding, and achieve tenure would be intense.

However, Ellie also knew she later said that, while we talked, she had received some insights, and had figured that overcoming Imposter Syndrome would bring numerous benefits, such as:

    - Increased confidence: She would feel more confident in her abilities and more empowered to take on new challenges.

    - Improved performance: She would be able to perform at her best, without the weight of self-doubt holding her back.

    - Greater resilience: She would be better equipped to handle setbacks and failures.

    - Increased opportunities: She would be more likely to take on leadership roles and pursue new opportunities.

Then we laughed and held hands a bit. She looked into my soul through the windows of my eyes and smiled with closed eyes, followed with a sigh of relief, and then she said softly but confidently, “I will make it”. She believed she will overcome this sick syndrome. We kept quiet and started working back. As Ellie looked out at the opportunities available to her in the West Midlands and abroad, she knew that she had a choice to make. She could let Imposter Syndrome hold her back, or she could take practical steps to overcome it. She chose the latter, and as she did, she felt a sense of hope and determination.

Pathways to Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

As I saw Ellie off, I started thinking and decided that I would not just share this story as Ellie wanted, but also share my thoughts and lessons learned from my time with this black country young woman. I realised that doctoral and early career researchers can take several pathways to overcoming Imposter Syndrome:

1. Seek support: Find mentors, peers, or therapists who can provide guidance and support.

2. Build confidence: Focus on strengths and accomplishments, and celebrate successes.

3. Reframe negative thoughts: Challenge negative self-talk and focus on positive affirmations.

4. Develop a growth mindset: View challenges as opportunities for growth and development.

5. Practice self-care: Take care of physical and mental health, and prioritize well-being.

While the goals we set before ourselves whether personal, professional, or societal often sound straightforward when expressed in words, the actual journey to achieving them is rarely so simple. Aspirations like defeating self-doubt, or becoming better versions of us can appear deceptively easy when discussed casually or listed on a plan. However, in reality, each goal presents a unique set of challenges, setbacks, and uncertainties that can test our resolve, patience, and courage. The gap between what we say we want to do and what we actually do can be wide, often filled with self-doubt, external resistance, limited resources, or fear of failure. Acknowledging this truth is not a sign of weakness but of wisdom. It reminds us, like it reminded Ellie, that the road to any meaningful success is seldom a smooth or linear path.

Yet, despite how daunting these challenges may appear, a transformative shift begins the moment we choose to believe that trying is not only possible but worthwhile. Belief is the spark that fuels effort. It doesn't remove the obstacles, but it gives us the strength to face them. When we genuinely believe in the potential for change when we tell ourselves, “I might not know how yet, but I am capable of learning, growing, pushing forward and beating this sick syndrome” we ignite a powerful psychological and emotional momentum. That belief may begin small, as a quiet inner conviction, but it can grow stronger through action, feedback, and persistence. It is the mindset that has empowered inventors to fail hundreds of times before finally succeeding, outstanding students to rise from underperformance to distinction, and communities to rebuild from adversity.

Importantly, belief alone is not enough it must be paired with intentional effort. Trying is the practical expression of belief. It is what transforms hope into progress. Every attempt, even those that fall short, teaches us something valuable and brings us one step closer to our goals. Trying means we are actively engaging with our dreams, refusing to let them die in the realm of “what could have been.” It shows that we are willing to risk failure in the pursuit of something meaningful, and in doing so, we often surprise ourselves with our resilience and capacity for growth.

So yes, the journey may be hard. Yes, success “in being self-confident” may take longer than we expect sometimes or look different than we first imagined. However, when we decide to believe not in perfection, but in the power of GRiT we create the conditions for real change. If we can believe that trying is worthwhile, then we open the door to what once seemed impossible. We may not always know exactly how we’ll get there, but belief allows us to take the first step. And the first step, repeated enough times with intention and learning, is often all it takes to cross the white line and begin a new journey that defeats the symptoms of Imposter Syndrome.